Shiloh is about to be 22 months old. I have been meaning to write a post about now being a father of 2 for the last 22 months. This post is primarily for Shiloh. When she grows up and I am no longer around I want her to always know that her daddy loved her more than she could possibly know. Secondly, this post is for fathers who are about to have a new child. I hope that any fears of love will be alleviated by your reading of this.

How I felt when I learned we were having another baby

When my wife told me that we were having another baby I was happy, however as the months waned I would ask myself if I would be able to love another baby as much as I loved Margo. I went through all of these steps with Margo: infant to toddler, toddler – child, first steps, potty training, learning to speak, learning to feed herself… did I want to go through all of that again? I felt like I was starting at level 0 and didn’t know if I was ready for all of this all over again. Inevitably there is no choice in the matter, but when Shiloh was born those feelings simply went away.

Why Shiloh Hope?

My wife and I chose the name “Shiloh” because it was the name of a biblical city that was a central place where people would come to worship God. The name means “peace”. It is our hope that whoever Shiloh comes in contact with realizes that God created a special person in Shiloh and that her presence radiates God’s peace. There is an interesting attraction that Shiloh has. I have noticed that people just love to be around here. Without trying she is always the center of attention. When I pick her up from daycare there is always a group of kids around her wanting to play with her. At church she is loved by children also. Adults love to be around her as well. At home I must say she isn’t too peaceful with Margo at times, and I hope this changes. Shiloh can be really aggressive, but she is also really sweet and loving. It is a joy to be her daddy.

2 Kids?… What?

If you were to tell me 10 years ago that I would be the father of 2 kids I would not have believed you. I can honestly say that being the father of Margo and Shiloh has been the most challenging but also the most rewarding accomplishment of my life. God has blessed me with 2 really good kids and I look forward to being a father to both them for the rest of my life.

This picture happened moments after the birth of my daughter Margo Faith Dixon on July 5, 2015. In the picture are my wife, my mom (holding Margo), my mother in law and my sister in law (on chair under hoody).

The picture documents the moment that my life changed. A pivotal switch in my thought process and in the goals of my life. That little girl that my mom is holding has become the person that will forever biologically link two completely different genealogies. Her little body contains everything good and bad that my wife and I biologically and behaviorally bring to the table. It made me think of this thought from Exodus 34

And the Lord descended in the cloud, and stood with him there, and proclaimed the name of the Lord.

And the Lord passed by before him, and proclaimed, The Lord, The Lord God, merciful and gracious, longsuffering, and abundant in goodness and truth,

Keeping mercy for thousands, forgiving iniquity and transgression and sin, and that will by no means clear the guilty; visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children, and upon the children’s children, unto the third and to the fourth generation.

I thought about about what I bring to the table in terms of learned behaviors and the legacy that I know is one of pain. The male figures in my life were not as hands on with me as I would have liked. I grew up learning things for myself. Things that I think my dad or grandfather should have taught me. Because of this I thought that I was in no way equipped to be the Father that Margo needed, and from time to time I have fleeting moments when I still think that.

However, although these thoughts were going through my mind I made a decision that day to never abandon my family. No matter what happens, I refuse to allow the bad parts of my childhood to affect my present family life. Yes, I have a lot to learn. Yes, I didn’t have a consistent father figure in my life. And Yes, the statistics say that I am going to succumb to this generational curse, but I serve a God who continues to work with and in me. I am better than what people think I’m supposed to be solely because of God.

2 Cor 5:17 Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new.

I claim this Promise in Jesus’ name