This picture happened moments after the birth of my daughter Margo Faith Dixon on July 5, 2015. In the picture are my wife, my mom (holding Margo), my mother in law and my sister in law (on chair under hoody).
The picture documents the moment that my life changed. A pivotal switch in my thought process and in the goals of my life. That little girl that my mom is holding has become the person that will forever biologically link two completely different genealogies. Her little body contains everything good and bad that my wife and I biologically and behaviorally bring to the table. It made me think of this thought from Exodus 34
5 And the Lord descended in the cloud, and stood with him there, and proclaimed the name of the Lord.
6 And the Lord passed by before him, and proclaimed, The Lord, The Lord God, merciful and gracious, longsuffering, and abundant in goodness and truth,
7 Keeping mercy for thousands, forgiving iniquity and transgression and sin, and that will by no means clear the guilty; visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children, and upon the children’s children, unto the third and to the fourth generation.
I thought about about what I bring to the table in terms of learned behaviors and the legacy that I know is one of pain. The male figures in my life were not as hands on with me as I would have liked. I grew up learning things for myself. Things that I think my dad or grandfather should have taught me. Because of this I thought that I was in no way equipped to be the Father that Margo needed, and from time to time I have fleeting moments when I still think that.
However, although these thoughts were going through my mind I made a decision that day to never abandon my family. No matter what happens, I refuse to allow the bad parts of my childhood to affect my present family life. Yes, I have a lot to learn. Yes, I didn’t have a consistent father figure in my life. And Yes, the statistics say that I am going to succumb to this generational curse, but I serve a God who continues to work with and in me. I am better than what people think I’m supposed to be solely because of God.
2 Cor 5:17 Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new.
I claim this Promise in Jesus’ name